Gracious Entertainment

It was the day my grandmother exploded. I had woken up that morning, stepped out of my bed and into the world of Tim Burton. Jack and Sally were already there, waiting for me at the entrance to Halloween Town. I’d started to follow them through the Cornfield of Despair and into Halloween Town when, out of nowhere, a giant man-eating gryphon flew in and snatched the golden apple (a gift from my recently erupted grandmother) right out of my pocket. I watched helplessly for a few moments as the creature flew away into the creepy purple sky. Then I grabbed a handful of cornstalks and started to transform them into a bow and some arrows as I ran after the beast.

I tried to come up with some sort of plan while following the giant bird-lion, but my mind was blank. The arrows were a horrible idea, for my aim was atrocious. The creature was getting farther and farther away, and my legs were becoming tired and useless. By this time, I’d gotten past the Cornfield of Despair and I now stood on the Hills of Discontent on the outskirts of Underland. The gryphon slowly disappeared into the clouds. I sighed and sat down on the ground, deciding to wait for an epiphany. I watched the flaming green sun sink below the horizon and slowly drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to a sharp jabbing in my side. Edward Scissorhands stood there before me, shocked and slightly abashed. I sat up and looked around. Ichabod Crane, Sweeney Todd, Willy Wonka, the Mad Hatter, and Victor were all there, staring down at me curiously. The Hatter offered me his hand and I took it, not wanting to be rude and eager to gain any information on the whereabouts of the gryphon and my golden apple.

The characters all smiled at me (or attempted to), except Todd, who didn’t really seem to be paying much attention. I brushed off my clothes and asked them if they knew where I could find the gryphon.

Ichabod looked at Victor, Victor looked at the Hatter, the Hatter looked at Edward, Wonka looked at everyone, and Todd glowered at me. They all spoke at the same time, offering different advice and directions to the gryphon’s layer. Then they all started arguing with each other about godfathers and big fish, so I decided to leave and seek help elsewhere.

I walked through the valley of Unreason, across the canyon of Angst, and alongside the river of Regret until I came to a small town called Oberon. Apes were wandering around aimlessly and Mark Wahlberg was in a bar, surrounded by his entourage, and sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. I approached Mark Wahlberg and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. He looked up at me blankly then placed his head back in his hands. I turned to the large ape standing next to me and asked him what had happened to Mark Wahlberg to make him so depressed. The ape responded that he’d never quite recovered from starring in the Planet of the Apes remake. I nodded in complete understanding and left the bar, then headed for the city limits of Oberon.

I walked past the city limits and kept on walking till I reached a fork in the road. The sign pointing to the left read “Saturn” and the other sign, which was pointing up, read “Down.” I decided to go left, seeing as “Down” wasn’t the most doable of options and the right way didn’t come with a sign.

Soon after taking the road to the left, Danny DeVito appeared in a penguin costume. He was sitting on a pipe on the side of the road, muttering about Catwoman and grease. I asked him if he knew where I could find the gryphon. He nodded gravely and offered to take me to the gryphon’s cave. We were quickly ambushed by Batman. Batman swished his cape and stalked menacingly around us in a circle. Danny DeVito sighed and rolled his eyes at me. Soon they began to argue, and when Batman started to curse, I knew it was time for me to leave.

Eventually I came upon the forest of Infertility. I concluded that the road was getting me nowhere, and decided to create my own through the trees. I pulled out my Vorpal Sword (which I’d forgotten had been in my possession) and hacked through the forest, cutting down wilting branches and stepping over dead vines. I trumped along, unaware that my tree-hacking was making the trees angry. Before long, I was swarmed by vines and branches and being pulled toward the root of one giant, dead tree. I tried to use the sword to chop the nasty vegetation away, but to no avail. I was hung upside down before the giant tree, swinging like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

The trees were groaning with impatience and laughing at my discomfort, waiting for the giant tree, their master, to give them permission to stretch my limbs to the breakage point.

A loud, sudden, cackling sound resounded through the forest then. I tried my best to find the source of the cackle, and soon Helena Bonham Carter appeared, dressed curiously like my grandmother. She stopped and placed her hands dramatically on her hips when she saw my predicament. “This won’t do at all,” she said loudly and snapped her fingers.

The trees released me from my captivity and I crumpled to the ground. Helena Bonham Carter offered me her hand and pulled me up onto my feet. She started to walk away, and not wanting to be left behind, I followed her. I asked her if she was my grandmother and she nodded her head in the affirmative. Then I asked her if she knew where the gryphon’s lair was. She looked at me curiously, head cocked to the side. “Why would you want to know a thing like that?”

“He took your golden apple.”

And then my grandmother exploded.

The Importance of Respect

The teens sat quietly in the classroom, watching an educational movie with expressions of extreme boredom. The door opens and closes quietly, barely disrupting the class.

The teacher looks up from the paper he’s grading and addresses the class, “Who just left?”

The kids stare around the room and at each other blankly. Apparently, they hadn’t noticed anything. The teacher refocuses his attention on the paper, clearly annoyed. A few minutes later the wayward student returns. The teacher calls her to his desk, quietly asks her where she had gone, and after receiving an exasperated, one-worded answer, begins explaining to her the importance of informing an instructor of a student’s departure. The girl rolls her eyes and brushes off the teachers words, turning back to her seat before the teacher finishes. He stops mid-sentence as the girl plops back down into her seat and pulls out her cell phone. Astonished and peeved, the teacher calls her back to his desk.

From the beginning of time, children have been taught to show respect for their elders and all other living beings. Failure in doing so would result in a brutal slap to the derriere with a hefty copy of Sunday’s paper. Lack of respect for adults during today’s age is growing increasingly less tolerable. One hundred years from now, people will undoubtedly look upon today’s younger generations and their disrespect with disgust and bewilderment. How do we tolerate this?

Human beings should treat other human beings with respect. Through anger and disgust, people should recognize the way another person feels when they are dishonored. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It is wrong for one person to disrespect another, but worse for a figure of authority to be disrespected by children and young adults.

My reaction to teenager’s disrespect for authority figures borders between distaste and surprise. They do not seem to realize that their actions can result in losing the respect from their peers and teachers. Adults are the ones in charge, teenagers will at some point become adults and be the ones in charge. Wouldn’t they want respect from the younger generations?

Sometimes people can be pushed beyond their self control. They can unleash harsh words that are not meant to be unleashed. When provoked, a person can become their own worst enemy. A student can argue against being disrespectful by claiming that they were simply speaking their mind, voicing their opinion, or doing what they thought was right. A teenager can create an excuse for anything.

Since physical punishment is against the law in most states, I suppose suggesting the re-introduction of paddles and rulers as a form of teaching a lesson would be unethical. How can one eliminate disrespect? One way to turn the tide would be to set an example for the younger generations on how people should treat each other. Teenagers should be disciplined by their parents when they are disrespectful. The parents should be the ones to lead the way, to show their children how to treat others. Many parents these days don’t seem to realize the impact they have on their children. They tread blindly, completely unaware that their child is watching their every step with admiration and a fierce determination to be just like them.

A situation today that will undoubtedly raise the question of toleration is the disrespect shown from young adults and children to persons of authority. Every human being has a right to speak against what they believe to be unethical. The issue is whether or not the person can speak with a sense of high esteem for the people being addressed.

It’s one o’clock in the morning, and I’m waiting 33 minutes for Megavideo to continue allowing me to watch the Big Bang Theory. It’s kind of a stupid show, but it made me laugh. Therefore it’s good. Megavideo didn’t used to be like this. Before, you could go hours without being interrupted. But Megavideo got smart and decided to start giving people the option of waiting an hour to watch the rest of their show, or joining Megavideo and paying money. And, since most people are impatient, they decide to join and pay money. I do productive things. Like blogging selfishly. I could have done one for Friendship 1.0, but I figured I’d have more to talk about tomorrow (or..later..today) than I do right now.

I stayed home sick today (or…yesterday). And I probably will again tomorrow (or..today).

I’m typing like I’m angry at my computer. Poor Theodore, doesn’t deserve this kind of abuse.

I have a discolored scab on my knuckle. Woops, not anymore. Ouch. That’s going to be a scar. Hooray.

I detest when hair bands are so tight around your wrists that when you take them off there’s a deep red mark around them. So deep and so noticeably red that one must take into consideration replacing the band on the wrist so as not to suffer the humiliation of having a red, angry wrist-mark. Ah, masochism.

I wrote a 1700 word email to a friend of mine about a guy I hung out with for one day. Apparently I like to write.

I wrote a partial novel for National Novel Writing Month. Then I started another one out of inspiration. They both suck. Not afflicted with false modesty here, they really suck.

I wonder who all is going to read this. Probably no one. I’m taking comfort in that fact, for if people read this they’d know how extremely weird I am and (worst-case scenario..although…) would probably never speak to me again. Oh well.

I think loneliness isn’t a bad thing. I actually prefer loneliness. For the most part. I really don’t mind being alone in my room reading or watching movies illegally or yelling at Theodore for not using the correct font. Uh oh, does Theodore count as a person? If so then I guess I’m not lonely after all. I was before my seventeenth birthday when I opened his box. Anyway, people always plague loneliness as such a terrible thing. When really, it isn’t. The only people who think loneliness is so terrible are the people who depend too much on others. Although I suppose there are different definitions for loneliness. How can someone truly be alone when there are others in the same house, or people across the street, down the road, in the next town? No one is truly alone with a population as massive as Earth has. The people who think they’re alone haven’t made an effort to either find someone or experience loneliness in all of it’s glory. People can find peace within themselves by being lonely. If they would just stop obsessing over “needing” others, they’d be fine. You don’t need anyone, you just want them. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone, but needing is completely unnecessary.

I’m tired. The End.